Old, But Still A Little Life In 'em

Also known as the "Trig and Hippy double act"

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Claw
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Post by Claw »

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a chequered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

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I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

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A Man walks into a restaurant and orders a cup of coffee--without cream. The waiter takes his order and goes into the kitchen.

A moment later the waiter comes back and says:

"I'm sorry, sir, we're out of cream. Can it be without milk?"

~~~~~
Just be a nutter... life becomes much more exciting, and people won't expect anything more of you...
Claw
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Post by Claw »

Awwh come on guys... someone prove the missus wrong and tell me these jokes aren't that bad... :unsure:
Just be a nutter... life becomes much more exciting, and people won't expect anything more of you...
Vomit
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Post by Vomit »

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


that one made me smile, the rest though, erm well, very nice ?
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Claw
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Post by Claw »

Vomit wrote: that one made me smile, the rest though, erm well, very nice ?
A smile... hmm... what does Merriam Webster dictionary say...

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Definition of Smile
1: to have, produce, or exhibit a smile 2a : to look or regard with amusement or ridicule <smiled at his own folly — Martin Gardner>
b
: to bestow approval <feeling that Heaven smiled on his labors — Sheila Rowlands>
c : to appear pleasant or agreeable transitive verb1: to affect with or by <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/smiling" target="_blank">smiling</a> 2: to express by a smile — smil·er noun — smil·ing·ly adverb <a href="http://www.learnersdictionary.com/search/smile%5B2%5D" target="_blank">Image See smile defined for English-language learners »</a><a href="http://www.wordcentral.com/cgi-bin/stud ... t&va=smile" target="_blank">See smile defined for kids »</a>
Examples of SMILE<ol type='1'>[*]The photographer asked us to smile for the camera.</li>[*]She smiled when she saw him.</li>[*]Both parents smiled their approval.</li></ol>Origin of SMILE
Middle English; akin to Old English smerian to laugh, Sanskrit smayate he smilesFirst Known Use: 14th century
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Considering this and the origins of the word smile, I have my answer... :D

Hmm... how to tell the missus that Vomit smiled at these jokes... :unsure:
Last edited by Claw on Tue Nov 22, 2011 11:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just be a nutter... life becomes much more exciting, and people won't expect anything more of you...
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