You'll have to do the Indian accent yourselves... I was watching the Africa v France match muted throughout this.
SOC: "We are calling because as partners of Microsoft we have been told you have a problem with your computer."
Me: "Oh, that's kind of you, what's wrong with my computer?"
SOC: "Well, if you are sat in front of your computer..."
Me: "Yes..." (I wasn't, my computer was off.)
[At this point I was asked to click on Run and type "eventvwr", which as you will know brings up the event viewer window and logs.]
SOC: "Do you see any messages in the 'System' information?"
Me: "Yes there are quite a list of messages."
SOC: "Well, I'm sorry to tell you they mean your computer has a lot of errors and that your hard disk is going to crash and you are going to lose all your information."
Me: "Really?!! Oh no, what am I going to do now?"
SOC: "Well, sir, don't worry. I will transfer you to one of our technicians and he will help you solve those problems."
[I was then put through to the 'Technician']
SOC: "Hello, sir, I've just heard about all your troubles. We will help you fix them"
[I was then asked to type the "www.supportonecare.com" URL into the Run window which opened my browser to their website]
SOC: "Please choose which support service you would like, 6 months, 1 year, or two years"
Me: "Which one would you suggest for my problems?"
SOC: "2 years sir"
Me: "Thank you very much"
[moments later...]
Me: "Each time I click on it the 2 year option there is an error..."
[There wasn't really, I'm ratcheting up the wind-up now]
SOC: "Really?"
Me: "Hmm, oh well..."
[I was asked to type the URL into the Run window again. After deliberately mishearing his spelling it to me 5 times he was now screaming the spelling down the phone at me, he was trying a whole variety of phonetics - I was quite impressed at how many words he knew that begin with 'N']
SOC: "Okay, let's try something different... I know your surname, could you tell me how you spell your first name, please?"
[He was sounding a little exasperated now, and I think he was going to fill in the form for me.]
Me: "S for sugar, T for train, U for uniform, P for peter, I for indigo, D for dog."
[There was a pause]
SOC: "How do you pronounce that, please?"
Me: "How do you think it is pronounced?"
SOC: "I pronounce it... Stupid..."
Me: "Yes, that's right."
SOC: "Your first name is Stupid? We have your first initial as G."
Me: "Ah, okay, are you ready?"
SOC: "Yes."
Me: "G for girl, U for uniform, L for lima, L for lima, I for indigo, B for box, L for lima, E for egg."
SOC: "Gullible?"
Me: "Yes."
SOC: "Okay, I'm going to give you something else to type into the Run window."
Me: "Okay."
SOC: "Type... www.logmein123.com"
Me: "How should I type the 123?"
SOC: "NUMBERS 1... 2... 3....!!!" (Angry!)
Me: "Ah, I see, www.logmeinNUMBERS123.com"
SOC: "NO NO NO!!! Listen to me now, just 1, 2, 3!!!"
Me: "Do I type the numbers like O-N-E, T-W"
(sharply interrupted)
SOC: "NO NO NO - Numeric numbers, numeric numbers 1, 2, 3!!! JUST Numbers!!!!"
Me: "Ah, I see, some thing's happened."
SOC: "What do you see?"
[I've not got my computer on, so I don't know what I was supposed to see]
Me: "Erm... it says 'Thank you'"
[Long pause]
SOC: "It can't be saying that"
Me: "Oh..."
SOC: "Whose bank card do you use?"
Me: "Mine"
SOC: "I mean is it Visa or something else?"
Me: "Something else."
SOC: "We've been doing this for some time now, I'll need to bring it to a conclusion. Can you give me your bank details to arrange your support?"
Me: "No."
SOC: "Are you kidding me? How old are you?"
I then began a long ranting lecture telling him I had recorded the conversation (I managed to record two thirds at least) and I was going to report them for attempting to take advantage of vulnerable people. At some point through my rant he hung up. The conversation must have lasted about 30 mins.
Some months ago I had a friend respond to one of those bank emails... his account was completely wiped out including his over-draft... his bank would only cover his over-draft, he lost his savings and a recent inheritance his wife received. He now doesn't have a penny to his name.
