I Hate My Job!

[ryanside]

My job is so ****ing unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big ****ing dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single ****ing day.

Anyway, I drive these tards around in my van and we solve mysteries and ****.

[Thane]

Dood drive your mystery van of a cliff and go get a real job

[Eagle]

Sounds like Scooby-Doo and the Crew

Daphne the one always doing her make-up

Velma the clever ugly one

Shaggy and Scooby (say no more)

So does that make you Fred??

[ryanside]

I always thought Fred was too normal to fit with that lot. May be he's wearing a mask and is really the old man owner of the haunted amusement park...

[Claw]

Okay, the next job you have, the monster is either a guy in a costume or a projection... but don't tell your colleagues... in fact gag the brainy girl you mentioned.

Next, find where he keeps his costume and then use it to make this there "last episode" of working with you, catch my drift? It might be tricky as they can be pretty difficult to chase, but you know them and can be one step ahead of them.

When you've done what must be done, then put the costume back and find a corridor somewhere. Pour glue down the whole stretch of the corridor and wait. Very soon that monster is gonna come chasing you, when it see's you at the other end of the corridor, guess what's gonna happen... never mind, the brainy girl would have told you... just trust me, stay where you are.

When the monster gets stuck, run over to it, wearing slightly greased shoes, remember that, slightly greased shoes... and then pull his mask off. Immediately after you pull the monsters mask off the police will turn up... just don't ask, believe me it will happen, they'll be there...

The guy in the costume will just 'fess-up and the brainy girl will... err no she won't... just do some silly giggle that flea bitten mutt used to do, get in your van, and stay away from circuses, lodges, hotels, mining towns, anywhere that has any evidence of suffering economic hardship or undergoing family feuds, etc. Life will get easier, honest...