Rednecks

[Trig]

A redneck family


A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a
mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling
around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they
saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and
then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, what's at?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I
ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady
in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The
walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls
closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above
the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. The walls opened up again
and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,

"Boy..................go gitcha momma...

[Claw]

A classic....

While we're revisiting classics...

A Letter From Mama

Dear son,

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home,
so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas
family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that
they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure
it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the
chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first
time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it
is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle.

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated
and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Momma

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already
sealed.